How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord's praise,
for he has been good to me.
I've nick-named this Psalm as "Lauren's Psalm." I honestly believe David and I had more in common then our love for dancing. This past month has been tough for me. I've had many struggles. Emotional, physical, and spiritual. All this struggling has left me questioning, just like David in the beginning of this chapter. I've been struck down with circumstance after circumstance over and over, with no relenting.
When I read "Lauren's Psalm" I picture me crawling into God's lap and venting. Letting everything out. Crying, screaming, questioning. So angry at the world. So unsatisfied with my life.
He lets me. He lets me unwind and blame things on Him that He doesn't deserve. He lets me get His robe wet with my tears. Then, He just pulls me in tighter and says "Are you done?"
That's when the last part of this chapter gets me. When I feel like there is no more comfort to be found, He's there. I will trust when I can't even find the strength. Why? Because of His unfailing love for me. I will rejoice in my suffering. Why? Because He suffered for my salvation. I will sing when I don't even have the words. Why? Because He has done nothing but good for me.
He deserves all of my trust, rejoicing, and singing no matter what I've gone through.
I'm not perfect. I'm not okay. I've still got many questions in my life. But, I know who holds the answer. I know who can calm my fears. All it takes is a choice from me to seek Him. That's my answer! Seek Him! It's such a simple answer...yet the hardest action.