and now we're in arkansas

If you've been friends with me over the past few years or we just met, you might be a little confused on where we live and where we're from.
So, let me break it down for ya.

Husband was born and raised in a sweet little town in central Florida.
His entire, entire family is there.
He went to preschool, elementary, middle school, high school, and some college in the same place, with the same people.
He's easy.

...then there's me.
I was born in Texas.
My mama's side of the family is all from Texas.
(I'm talking, my 6 or 7 times Great Grandfather was one of the founders OF Texas...yeah.)
Then we moved to Mississippi.
(Where Brother was born.)
Then to Florida.
Then to North Carolina.
Then back to Texas.
Then back to Florida.
Where I eventually met and married Husband.

...and together we moved to Tennessee.
(Where we had our sweet miracle baby, Emmerson.)
Then to Kentucky.
And now we're in Arkansas.

One of my favorite things about Husband is how his childhood is vastly different than mine.
He knows everyone he graduated with.
His current best friend has been his best friend since middle school.
It's so neat and so endearing.
He has clear roots.

I, personally, never lived in one area for more than 5 years.
Some moves came with a relief.
A parade marching away, praising God for delivering us from that evil.
But there have also been deep, sad, dark moves that have cut my heart deep.
My friendships are different than Husbands, though still wonderful.
Short, but sweet.
Thanks to social media, I'm able to stay in touch and reconnect with with people from every state and stage of my life.

It can be ugly.
The constant moving.
I've overcome years of anxiety over being the "new girl."
I cried to my mama every night before a new school year.
I sat at the wrong tables for lunch.
(I've actually eaten in the bathroom before, very movie cliche-like.)
I was made fun of for my accent, or clothes, or some other insignificant thing.
I became a shy, introverted person, full of insecurities.
It also gave me a wandering spirit.
Sitting anywhere for too long made me weary and I longed for the next adventure.
While I made great friends and have awesome memories, I never felt like I had roots.
I've grown numb to saying goodbye, even though I truly hate it so.very.much.

With the ugly, always comes the beautiful.
(That's not only a promise, but a challenge to seek out the beauty.)
My heart is deeply spread out over many states, and with many people.
As I've grown, I can clearly see how God used my moving to make me the person I am today.
I'm no longer afraid to be the "new girl," a confidence I've never experienced before this year.
I am so sensitive to other people's battles, especially the new, quiet, off in the background types.
I see her, almost immediately, in large crowds.
My heart aches for her and the love of God compels me to move.
With each move, I clung to my brother as my only familiarity and we have had an unusual closeness for years.
He was my "man of honor" in my wedding and is Emmerson's godfather.

While there's hurt in friendships ending, seeing the people come after you and replace you when you've gone, there's always more ahead.
I desire to be somewhere and dig in deep, to grow those roots and relationships further than ever before.
We're so happy to call Arkansas home and I pray God allows us to grow roots here.
But if He calls us elsewhere...
I'll go, hopefully with a smile.
Because He is so sovereign and He has never left me before.
He created me with a purpose.
He needed me in TX, MS, FL, NC, TN, and even KY during my dark season.
And now He needs me in AR.
I may not ever learn why each move was necessary, but I'm learning every day to love this adventure, to love His will.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! Yes! and a thousand times, YES! Ministry can be a hard life that few people understand. But the blessings, OH the blessings! Greater than I could ever express. Only God can give you the closeness of relationships that form when you are obedient to Him.